Right now, I am healing the belief that I will only receive love if I’m perfect. ⠀
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This belief stems from my first years of life when my parents hired a nanny to care for me when they were at work. I was so little and thought they were abandoning me because I did something wrong.⠀
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When I was 16, I remember going to the DMV to get my permit. My mom told me to research and find out all the paperwork I needed and she’ll take me there. After waiting in line for what seemed like forever, I didn’t have everything I needed and my mom tore me apart for it. She scolded me so bad and refused to take me back to try again— my Dad had to bring me.⠀
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In my 20s, I built up my armor and wore a mask everywhere I went. I NEVER let anyone see the real, imperfect, messy Lauren. I kept everyone at arms length and never let a relationship get deep.⠀
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This belief that I created when I was just a baby manifested so many realities for my present life.⠀
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My relationship with my husband has been my biggest opportunity for growth because with him, there is no mask. There is no armor. I am just me. I had to do the deep work to manifest this relationship because if I didn’t, I would’ve shut him out and hid like I did with everyone else.⠀
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But now I am seeing this pattern reveal itself again but in other areas of my life. I’m recognizing that I feel safe and secure when I have my armor on, but if I make a mistake, my feeling of safety dissipates.⠀
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The layers to this are DEEP and it’s so fascinating to see how my perception of a situation 30 years ago impacted so much of my future— my relationships, my jobs, my business and so much more.⠀
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What stories are running the show in your life?⠀
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How would it feel to be free from them? To make decisions because it’s what you want? To create a future that is in alignment with who you are instead of one that is determined by a belief you created for yourself as a baby?⠀
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The world is yours 💜 Are you ready to claim it?⠀
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I love you.⠀
Lauren